You know, when God invades our earth with His divine word, it still works His will in us after the feeling and awe passes. When we move on to “new revelation,” that invasion still wreaks heavenly havoc in our souls. It’s a living word. It must return to Him full and complete…or, worked out in us.
I thought about that this morning via a sermon I preached January 2015 called “Let the Lord Help You.” It was a direct word to me, that Holy Spirit green-lighted for His Body. The main thought was from Isaiah 42:13-16. Essentially, the Lord says
- I am Your God, who upholds your right hand. Don’t fear, I’ll help you. (v. 13)
- Don’t fear. I’ll help you…says Your Redeemer. (v. 14)
- Here’s how you’ll know My Help — YOU BECOME THE INSTRUMENT TO CONQUER YOUR FEAR. I made you a threshing sledge with double edges to pulverize the mountains to dust and make the hills chaff. (v. 15)
- You’ll throw that chaff into the wind and watch the useless things be carried away by My Spirit. A move of My Spirit will scatter the chaff. But YOU WILL REJOICE AND GLORY in Me. (v. 16)
Read it when you have time.
I knew when I preached this word that last year was about me bringing the fight to fear and anxiety — my mountain and hill. Today I see that I’ve still been working — grinding down my mountain to dust and my hill to chaff. How?
I arrived at the place I desperately tried to avoid.
Yep, you read that right. After a little over four years, I got to the place I told Father I never wanted to be again. I put Him in a box…and said that pain, that feeling, that fear, that process of crawling back to life…I don’t want to be there ever again.
And I built my mountain of fear back up and stacked my hill of anxiety…to protect myself and to defend my heart. Can I just tell you, dear ones, it didn’t work? In fact, anything I tried to do in my own strength to keep my life was a massive failure and led me straight to a confrontation with what I feared.
Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. ~ Psalm 127:1 NASB
My best attempts to “guard my heart” and “the issues of my life” were unsuccessful because I made these attempts in fear. And the thing I feared most, came upon me. I cried and tussled and said to God, “I CAN’T DO THIS AGAIN. I WON’T DO THIS AGAIN. All the time, the energy, the focus it took to come back last time…unh uh, not gonna do it again.”
Then today, I realize I have nothing to lose. I found my life…I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. The ONE PLACE I SAID I NEVER WANTED TO BE AGAIN is where I found myself, and I realized —
it’s not worse than before…which means I am better than before.
it’s not the same as before…which means I missed some opportunities for bold faith and stayed in fear too long.
I scaled the mountain and did some hard work to thresh that sucka down! (To my international friends, forgive my Southern US slang!)
I am okay with me, and okay with the process that got me here.
God is not a master of torture to allow me visitation. The thing I feared most came upon me and when it got here, it only had a few teeth.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. ~ Luke 9:24 NASB
In this weakness, He has made me strong.
In this brokenness, I open the door to and embrace wholeness. My death brought about new life…in Him. This “condition,” this “place” I feared returning to is now exposed in His light. And now that it’s in light, this part of my soul can breathe. I’m out of danger. I’m back in safety.
It was never the threat I thought it was…and I’m no longer threatened.
Lord, I thank you.
You will arise and have compassion on Zion;
For it is time to be gracious to her,
For the appointed time has come.
Psalm 102:13 NASB
So, sing your song Mary! Let your Magnificat (See Luke 1:46-55) ring out and occupy the space where your mountain and hill stood.
46 And Mary said:“My soul exalts the Lord,47 And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.48 “For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave;For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.Luke 1:46-48 NASB
Be encouraged Royal Ones…our Lord’s revelation yet works in you and there remains a set time to deliver His chosen. There’s a day (and beautifully appointed days after that) where He in His sovereign will opens our eyes and we see the value of the journey. And we note His regard for us and His love for us. In those moments He redeems the time. In those encounters He heals and speaks peace and declares the warfare is accomplished.
I title this entry “Bye Bill” because I today send a steady companion packing. What is there to fear when the mountain in front of you becomes the dust between your toes and under your feet?! Not much.
It is finished. And oh, what a view without this mountain!
Selah, and love to all.